Nothingness

Why can’t you see that I am billions of years old?
Or may be eternal…Why can’t you see that clear behind my eyes?I want to deceive you, the real me, hidden behind the sheath,
The network, woven so complex over this infinite number of years,
The dark depth of the deepest ocean, the dark depth of billions of light years,
In the complete silence, in the complete nowhere, the complexity grows,
Untouched, unfathomed, unhindered, the intricate formula,
Slowly and slowly, bit by bit, you can’t even feel that,
Ah…do not be so stupid; things do not change so fast,
The twenty first century speed is nothing but illusion; we progress into nothingness,
Can’t you see you do not matter, we all matter nothing in this timeless universe.
Where is time? Can you feel that? You can run behind, from now to eternity,
Inside the deep space, inside nothingness,
See, you can’t find yourself anywhere,
Because you do not matter at all, none of us matter.
From big bang or no big bang, from nowhere, from time eternal,
I am living in everything,
There’s nothing called me, it’s all part of a big design,
A design by itself, set off by nothing, in no time,
Something which is perpetual, something which will never end…
You can never assign a meaning to it…what does it all mean?
There no meaning, there could never be any meaning, because it will never end.
Deep inside infinity, deep inside the deepest space, where it all disappear,
Our time, our attempt to catch and live a lifetime is nothing, not even a bit,
Because you never really know whether you exist at all,
The flesh and the blood, the mind and the matter, it all means nothing,
Nothing at all…
The complexity or the simplicity is so humongous, immeasurable, grows into eternity.
In the silence of nothingness,
I grow into billions of years or grow into an infinite zero…
See how I deceive you every time and all time.
I have done and you have done it too,
Where are we? When are we? What are we?
Infinite silence, nothing but eternity, lost into nothingness.

A fine life

It’s a fine life
Fine crockery, mellowed wine,
Exotic cuisine, not traditional,
Taste extra-ordinary, dimly lit dinning,
Measured talks, classy décor,
Designer clothes, costume jewellery,
Dinning etiquettes, the right bowls, the right spoons,
Clicking sound of the forks and the knives,
Life’s straight out of a dream,
Dinners over, it’s time to head home;
Cars high tech, leather upholstery,
Automatic transmission, 2-DIN systems,
Goes smooth, no bumps, fine driving.
It’s sophistication. It’s the standard.

Can’t lose; just can’t lose to get there,
To arrive, to announce,
That I belong to you, up to the standard.

Afraid to lose, has to carry on,
Doing non-sense stuff, living a life with mask,
14 long hours, stress and tension,
Accountability, hypocrisy,
Life like a prostitute, all for money,
All done for that, a fine life.
It’s the standard.

Has to be done, easy credit,
Home loans, car loans,
Personal loans, loans all types,
Personal finance, it’s a mayhem.
But all for that, a fine life.
It’s the standard.

There’s no escape, caught in a warp,
It’s in a loop,
Loans to pay, finance to manage,
Back to work, back to life,
That life, a fine life,
Must reach the standard.
It’s sophistication. Has to be done.

How did I ever got into this,
This roundabout, this cycle of fine life,
These classy things, etiquettes and measured talks,
A fine house, a fine car, a fine wife,
And all that stuff.
How did I ever got into this?

The Secret Games

It’s so simple, yet you didn’t understand.
It was always me at the centre of the Universe,
When did I tell you that you matter?
If I had told you ever that I loved you,
Didn’t you understand that I loved to love you?
It was all for me,
For me to fill my needs and stroke my ego.

I needed to be close to my mother,
Because I wanted her when I needed her.
She was always there, I could not remember,
How much I longed to be with her.
How much I missed her,
When she was sleeping with my father.
Why would she sleep with my father?
Or with anyone else?
Wasn’t I destined to be the only one?
If I can’t be then shouldn’t I become like my father?
Wouldn’t she then be the only one for me?
Oh, it was killing. I wanted to hold her.
I wanted to kiss her.
I wanted her touch over my body.
I wanted her to feed me and take good care of me.
She should have been only mine.
But then the world told me that,
You can’t think like this about your mother.
I didn’t understand why.
But anyways I had to be like others.
I wanted to by like my father
And all the powerful adults.
So I stopped longing for my mother.
I missed her so much.

All the longing stayed with me forever.
I grew older, I grew to be a man.
But I always wanted the company of my mother.
I could not get her…it was forbidden.
It would be a sin.

So I searched for my mother.
I searched for her in every woman I slept with.
I searched for her in every woman I loved.
Oh…it was killing.
The longing was killing me.
Where were you, mother?

Then you came along,
In a civilized world with civilized rules,
So I played the love tune.
How splendid it sounded
It was love, or so they called it,
I didn’t know but then I followed suit.
I told you that I loved you.
I told you that I needed you.
I told you that I would always be with you.
It was all so beautiful, it was all so romantic.
The world looked more beautiful then,
The flowers, the sky, the river, the orchard,
All became so meaningful.
We wanted to live together.
We wanted to build our home,
With all the love and care,
That was there in the world.


I should be sorry because I lied to you.
All I wanted was to live.
I wanted to live because that’s what I had to.
I was destined for this desire,
The desire to live. It was in my flesh and blood.
My basic instinct was always to live.
I wanted to make sure that all my needs be fulfilled,
Because then only I would live.
My erose had to be satisfied.
I needed sex, I needed care. I needed a shelter.
I needed to be reassured.
I needed to continue through my progeny.
I wanted to live forever in this Universe.
I was at the centre of the Universe.
I wanted to enhance my self-esteem.
I wanted strokes to my ego.

You were just a tool to fulfill my desires,
To fulfill my needs and to fulfill my eros.
Please don’t blame me.
I just wanted to live forever.

So you see, I wanted my mother and I wanted to live.
I had to play the love game with you,
I had to play the caring game with you.
I had no choice, because that’s what the world has taught me.
But if you ripped open my mind,
You would only see love,
For myself and not for anyone else.
I’m so sorry that I lied to you.
I’m sure you played the same game with me.
The game to fulfill your needs and to stroke your ego.
You wanted your father.
You wanted to be like your mother,
To win over your father.
When you didn’t get him,
Because the world had forbidden.
You wanted your father in me.
The same old touches, the caress,
The loving sweet lullaby, all the care in this world.
You see, you needed to live.
Because you had to live.
Your eros had to be satisfied.

The games are hidden. The secret games.
We couldn’t tell that to each other.
Because we didn’t really know.
We thought we loved each other,
But we didn’t actually do.
But it’s alright in the civilized world.
Secret games all of us play.The secret games!

Live!
If I should stumble,
Help me to lie,
Here by the riverside,
Here among the woods,
Help me to find my strength.

If I should fall,
Bring me down here,
Here among the tranquillity,
Here among the birds,
Here by the stream.

Let the stream wash my body,
And flow over me,
Slowly and gently,
As if to caress me like a son.
Let the birds chirp,
Let me feel the silence around me.
Let the sun burn me down,
Let the rain lash my body,
Let me be with all, that
Belongs to me.

Leave me alone,
Fear not for anything,
Leave me along on the lap of my mother,
She will take care me.
She will nurture me to rebound.
There is nothing to worry,
She will give me all I need,
To come back to life.

How simple it was,
How simple it could be,
Just mother’s love and care.
How did I ever forget that,
How did I ever left behind,
All that is mine,
All that belongs to me.

Oh, my dear brothers,
Help me if I should fall.
Anything is forgiven, anything would be forgotten,
Just bring me back here,
I will go back to living.
Let us all go back to living.
Let us all go back,
There’s still enough with my mother.
We will share it all.

Just keep on doing things!

Although I was fortunate to study at some great institutions, I had always been a moderate achiever. As a young man, I used to wonder what separates me with the super achievers. I didn’t have any clue to that at all. Well…a good working knowledge in human behaviour shaped up by none other than the legendary Prof. J. K. Mitra and some self-initiated research over the years have finally answered the question.

The clue to be super – achiever is to have a tremendous self-belief. In behavioural science this is called self-efficacy. Simply put, self-efficacy is your belief in your capabilities of getting things done in certain areas or in general. This is all that you require in achieving great things. This is all there is to know about how to succeed in life. Trust me, it is this simple.

But well…self-efficacy is not a stand alone phenomenon…and it is not something which happens over night. Self-efficacy results from feedbacks one get from doing things. When you do something hands-on, you get a result. The result could be failure or success. Either you are able to do the thing successfully or you fail in doing the thing.

You may a fail a few times but if you keep on attempting, you may hit success once and may continue being successful in doing that. The moment you become successful in doing the thing, you start developing a perception about yourself which necessarily translates into a sentence like ‘I am probably good in doing this.’ If this is reinforced over a period of time by achieving more success in doing that thing, your perception will be endured. Enduring perceptions are called beliefs. The belief will be like ‘I am definitely good in doing this.’ Once you have this belief, you will love to do the thing more often and you will also be successful most of the times. Your self-belief in doing one thing will spill over into other things.

So, attempt to do as many things as possible…just do! If you face a challenging task, just go ahead and do it. You may fail. Don’t worry. The more you attempt the more will be your chance of success. If you attempt many things, you will succeed in some things. Success will build your self belief. And that will lead to more success.
The bottom line is…do all those live projects and assignments yourself. If you fear Maths, do Maths more. Attack all that in which you are weak. Just go on doing.

Australian Lessons

Every time I listen to the sound of didgeridoo, the deep reverberating sound, which feels like a mystic rhythm coming from the nadir of an ocean, from the middle of a forest or from the agonies deep in the heart of an old man forty thousand years old, I feel like migrating back to Australia. Didgeridoo is an Australian aboriginal musical instrument with a long thick wooden pipe that is blown to create a deep humming sound. Listening to didgeridoo is like reaching ecstasy in music. The CD I bought for 10 dollars from a group of aboriginals on the Circular Quay in Sydney is surely the best memento I could carry from Australia. It is amazing and agonizing to know how the British, who colonized Australia from 18th Century onwards, tried forcibly to destroy the rich, thousands of years old heritage and culture of the aboriginal people. They even forcibly took away children of aboriginals and put them into Government controlled Missions and reserves where the children were taught British culture and never allowed to meet their parents. Even some of the children were put to work as domestic servants in Britishers’ homes. Some were lucky enough to be adopted by British parents. In fact the aboriginal parents whose children were taken away were never allowed to know the whereabouts of their children! This went on till 1969. This is just one of the sins committed by the British colonizers in Australia. And now they claim that they only have a history two hundred years old!

But then if you look to the contemporary world, the same thing continues in different forms in many countries. So you see efforts to convert States into ‘Hindu States’ or efforts to convert into ‘Islamic States’. What we do is subtly but determinedly choking the practices of religions and cultures which the majority does not follow.

Anyways, apart from these ridiculous efforts to deny the real history of Australia, Australians are really relaxed and hassle-free people. A modern Australian is very tolerant of other cultures and religions. The cynics would say they better be because otherwise the country will slow down to death. Australians are aging and therefore the economy is gradually having less and less population which is employable. The way out is to encourage immigration of other nationals. So you would see Chinese, Japanese, Koreans, Singhalese, East Europeans, and of course Indians mingling freely with each other in every nook and corner of Australia. This makes it a wonderful country. You would feel at home, wherever you go.

One would also learn a lot about living in a civic society and taking on responsibilities of the nation individually. For example, all Australian establishments follow something called ‘day light saving’ rules. This means, they start working with the day break (early in the morning) and retire when the sun sets. The work is done when day light is there. This minimizes the use of electricity which in turn reduces generation of green house gasses. All offices and shops close by 5:30 or 6 pm except some restaurants and entertainment complexes. Hotels encourage guests to re-use towels as much as possible because that will reduce usage of chemicals for washing the towels. Less chemicals mean less production of them which in turn reduces generation of green house gases. Simple, isn’t it? Each of these steps is a small step but if you can understand, the whole of these will have significant impact in the long run.

I learnt and realized all these and more in our wonderful GOTA tour to Australia where some best students from all IIPM centers went in March 2008. The tour would always worth a billion to me not only because of beautiful Australia but also because of the amazing students of IIPM. They were sensitive, intelligent, honest, committed, passionate and responsible. They used to have a rocking time till late night but everyone attended all the sessions barring a couple of incidents when some students came late to the sessions. There were no fights, no controversies, no mess and no mis-behaviour. There were 58 students and all of them were friends…helping each other, eating together, going to places together and having fun together. Apart from some incidents of late-coming, everything went on very well. Truly, in a selfish, treacherous and insensitive world, the IIPM community is an oasis worth being a part of. Three cheers for IIPM…hip hip…!

Questions no one is asking on Nandigram

Well...so everyone is bashing the Red for creating havoc in Nandigram. Mainstream dailies as well as the audio-visual have gone overboard in dousing the ruling CPM government in West Bengal in blood. But has anyone given it a thought about the role of opposition parties in West Bengal? Has anyone thought about the objectives and roles of Maoist parties in West Bengal?

CPM has to be blamed as the ruling party is supposed to be accountable for law and order situation in a State. There is no question of justifying their role. What they did earlier and in early November cannot be justified with any logic. Bloodshed for anything, in today's world is not justifiable. We should have at least reached this stage of civilisation!

But then after the infamous massacre in March, the CM of West Bengal stated categorically that there won't be any chemical SEZ in Nandigram. He stated time and again that there would not be any attempt to acquire land.

Shouldn't the opposition stop at this? Shouldn't the BUPC (Bhumi Uchched Pratirodh Committee) stop its agitation at that point? What would justify even the locus standii of this BUPC now? Against whom are they agitating? Against what are they agitating?

What would justify BUPC's seizure of Nandigram over the past few months post March 14? There are people who would testify that BUPC forced them to toe their lines at gunpoints. BUPC damaged houses, properties and belongings of CPM sympathizers. There are evidences for that.

So...it's wrong if CPM cadres show guns but it's right if BUPC does that???? Isn't this the underlying logic of the press which has sweetly forgotten the roles of the opposition, BUPC and the Maoists? Isn't the underlying logic of the press say that violence by others are ok but violence by CPM is not ok.

Cry my motherland and may be the mother of human civilization...we've become this now. All of us have become parochial to an extent which is unbelievable...all of us have lost the ability to use logic...all of us become partisan...our views of the world are so distorted that anything goes. We just do not want to think beyond what we see.

Cry, civilization!